Dear Isheeria’s Healing Circles Reader,
Welcome to my birthday carnival exploring the question –
“Do I deserve to be Happy?”
This is the 20th and final post in this series (for now) – Thank you to Geethica, Romilaa, Sarah, Vasantha, Dipika, Bushra, Amrita, Srabonee, Ridhii, Robert, Mayuri, Bianca, Aditi, Vaishali, Shinjini, Tina, Natasha, Gayatri, Geetika & Richa for being a part of the celebrations.
Peeps – Please do read the wonderful and insightful posts from everyone (click on the links or go here for the series. Theme for this series here.) & I hope that like I have, you too shall find nuggets of hope & wisdom in their words, and take strength from them in your own search for Happiness. Or simply be blown away by their perspectives & insights!
Stay Happy – Stay Blessed. Spread the Joy & Happiness!
Do I deserve to be happy?
That question is not a symbol of happiness or even satisfaction, that question is a symbol of the amount of guilt we carry each day. Amount of forgiveness we lack when it comes to our own actions.
And as a commitment phobic person, this question is heavily loaded for me.
I have hurt people. I have dragged men out of my life in that unceremonious way without as much as a reply to their texts. I have been called names by people and my inner voice. And all of this has added up. There was a time I refused to believe I could be in love again. I refused to be any body’s first girlfriend because I lacked what it took to be ‘lovable’ in a relationship.
My fear of hurting someone else was so high I decided to give up on love and happiness.
But through a series of fortunate events and well meaning lies by my then boyfriend and now husband, I found love again. I started my journey of forgiveness.
This wasn’t easy.
In my first year of marriage even a minor fight or argument led me to believe the relationship was over. It led me to believe that I do not DESERVE to be happy in love. Most of my fights with my husband would end in me saying ‘It is not you, it is my bad karma returning’.
Until one fine day he made me sit down and explained that I need to let go. That I am not a bad person, I am equally broken when a relationship didn’t work out. I was equally sad and upset when people left my lives. But I chose to shoulder the blame, I chose to forgive the other and not myself.
So he asked me to sign a pact. Each time I forgive myself, I also forgive someone who I believe has wronged me. I re-work my own Karma Sheet.
Can I say this has been easy? No. Can I say it has started working? Yes.
Today when something good happens to me I allow it to soak in. I allow those moments of joy stay, earlier doubts of past and a sense of foreboding future would haunt me.
So do you deserve to be happy? I would rather re-phrase it as : Have you forgiven yourself?
Richa is a witty and strong lady – Her insights interesting and food for thought, and conversations which always leave me with a smile.
Thank you Richa for participating in my birthday celebrations.
About the wonderful author
Richa Singh is founder of Blogchatter, India’s first weekly Twitter chat and now a growing blogging community. You can connect with her on Twitter through her handle @richa_singh and know more about her community through website www.theblogchatter.com or twitter handle @blogchatter
Spread the #happy happiness – comment and share. #isheeria